Setting the Table: A Conversation on Generosity and Giving

By: Darcy Addison, Partner

Thanksgiving is a time of gathering, gratitude, and sharing our abundance. Growing up in Chicago, my family would pile in our car for the exciting, yet brief drive to Milwaukee to see my Grandma Mimi’s side of the family. Dozens of cousins, aunts, uncles, the matriarchs and patriarchs of the family, all at one long table. How lucky we were to all be together and unknowingly be infused with the spirit of “tikkun olam,” the Jewish concept of taking care of each other and our community. My own career in philanthropy has been driven by this concept, as my mother modeled a life of service to others and giving back through the arts. 

This holiday season, whether you are visiting your in-laws, your out-laws – or if you’re divorced, like me – having a Friends-giving, many of us are filled with a profound sense of thankfulness for all that we have. (Most importantly, I’m grateful for my two children.) This gratitude, this feeling of abundance, is the perfect starting point for a deeper conversation – one about how we can share our “good fortune” with others and make a meaningful impact in the world.

At its core, philanthropy is about the love of humankind. It’s a desire to see others thrive, to alleviate suffering, and to build a better future (again, “tikkun olam,” or social justice). For families with the capacity to give generously, the end of the year is a natural time to reflect on this and plan for the year ahead. “Giving Tuesday” is only days away and your favorite nonprofits need support more than ever, given all of the recent funding cutbacks. A new report by the Center for Effective Philanthropy affirms that “nonprofit leaders describe difficulty pursuing their missions effectively in an environment that presents multiple significant challenges to their ability to operate.” Thus, being thoughtful and generous with our year-end giving has never been more important.

So how do we move from a general feeling of wanting to do good to a concrete plan for making a difference? And how do we bring our family (and friends) along on this journey?

This is what we mean by “setting the table” for a conversation about philanthropy. It’s about creating a space to talk openly and honestly about our values, our vision for a better world, and how we can work together as a family, and as friends, to achieve it.

Preparing for the Conversation

These conversations – about money and giving – aren’t always easy. They can bring up complex emotions and differing opinions. But with a little preparation, they can also be incredibly rewarding. In his evergreen article “Letting Kids in on the Charitable Giving Conversation,” Ron Lieber, personal finance columnist at The New York Times, offers a guide to that conversation. 

Here are more tips to help get you started:

• Set a time and place. Don’t try to squeeze this conversation in between the turkey and the pumpkin pie. Set aside a dedicated time when everyone can focus.
• Start with your “why.” Before you talk about what you want to support, talk about why you want to give. What are the values that drive your family? What are the issues that you care about most? Our partners at the National Center for Family Philanthropy house a plethora of great resources on their website, such as “Philanthropic Purpose in Action“. 
• Come with an open mind. Everyone in the family, even the “littles,” should have a voice. Listen to each other’s perspectives and be open to new ideas. This is a chance to learn from each other and to build a shared vision for your family’s philanthropy.
• Focus on impact, not just dollars. While the amount you give is important, it’s even more important to think about the impact you want to have. Are you looking to make a difference in your local community? Or does your family now live across the country and you’d like to give to a national organization? 

Making an Impact

Once you’ve had a conversation about your values and your vision, you can start to think about how to put your plan into action. Here are a few things to consider:

• Be strategic. Instead of making a series of small, one-time donations, consider focusing your giving on a few key areas where you can make a real difference. This will allow you to build deeper relationships with the organizations you support and see the long-term impact of your giving.
• Do your research. There are many great organizations doing important work in the world. Take the time to research different nonprofits and find those that are aligned with your family’s values and goals. Websites like Charity Navigator and GiveWell can be valuable resources.
• Involve the Next Generation. These conversations are a powerful way to pass on your philanthropic values to your children and grandchildren. Get them involved in the process of researching organizations, making decisions, and seeing the impact of their giving firsthand. Check out our previous GPA blog, “How Do I Motivate My Kids to Engage in Philanthropy?”

This Thanksgiving, as you gather around the table with your loved ones and friends, I encourage you to “set the table” for a different kind of conversation—one about generosity, about giving, and our responsibility to take care of others. It’s time to put “tikkun olam” into action and hold a conversation that has the power to not only change the world for the better, but also to bring your friends and family closer together.

About Grant Philanthropic Advisors:
We’re an independent firm helping clients to focus and maximize their philanthropy—in turn, strengthening the fabric of our communities. Founded in 2019, we help donors move from responsive patterns of giving by assisting clients to identify values and become more strategic in their philanthropy. Our goal is to help donors to become more effective as change-makers.

We work with foundations (large and small staff teams), donor advised fund holders, multi generational families, individuals, philanthropy supporting organizations and corporations to design philanthropic strategies.