Communicating Core Values
By: Kaky McGinness Grant, Founder and Principal
“No way!” “Say that again!” “I remember when he said that….” Sharing family stories can be enlivening, funny and sometimes painful. It’s important to pass them on, especially as families grow through marriages and rising generations age into adulthood. Understanding a family’s ups and downs and how they navigate them can be transformative for young people. Studies show that children who know their family history show greater resilience when facing adversity. We all need to know our roots and what shapes a family.
The McGinness side of my family just had a reunion. In recent years, the cousins from my generation have gotten together for an action packed weekend; this year for the first time, we added in the next generation. We were 22 strong this go round. Throughout the weekend, we swapped stories about how our grandparents met, how our family came to call Lookout Mountain home, and the 1918 flu epidemic that claimed the life of our great grandfather as a young father. We remembered Christmas parties, beach trips, family friends and our grandparents, aunts and uncles who are no longer with us.
The assignment for our last dinner was to dress as our favorite family member or character in our family history. We breathed life into our costumes with gusto and creativity. My cousin who is into genealogy schooled us while in costume on our family’s history dating back to the 1700s. We had a slide show going the whole night featuring baby pictures, holidays and weddings.
I noticed that the memories we shared throughout the weekend of our family’s past – funny and more serious – and our chosen costumes were communicating and reinforcing our family values. Here’s what came through:
Community + Sense of Place: The community of Lookout Mountain is an anchor for our family even though about half us now live in other places. Our churches, our schools, our parks, our hiking trails and our childhood homes are all vessels for special Lookout Mountain memories. The Mountain was woven into almost every story shared that weekend: the small community, the sense of belonging, and lasting friendships where family and friendship lines are blurred. Growing up, our family dinners were “come one, come all”. Those without family during the holidays were welcome; our best friends always had a spot at the long dinner table. One of us even dressed as the beloved Catholic priest who was a loving, warm presence throughout our childhood at family gatherings and presided over christenings, marriages and funerals. All of these things remembered stitch together our sense of the Lookout Mountain community.
Service: Across generations, our family has lived in service to others. We serve on nonprofit boards and church vestries. We are teachers, tutors, nurses and volunteers. We’ve served in the Navy, Marines and Army. My dad and great uncle served as the mayor of Lookout Mountain, TN and Lookout Mountain, GA respectively. While dressed in our uncle’s naval uniform, my history-loving cousin shared stories of how a member of our family served in the Union Army in the Ohio Infantry during the Civil War. Coincidentally, that soldier fought in the Battle Above the Clouds on Lookout Mountain decades before our family established a home there. We shared stories of “war babies” and my grandparents’ quick three week engagement hastened by my grandfather’s enlistment in the Army during World War II.
Creativity + Playfulness: We have always been a family that loves imagination and play. We’ve had many imaginary friends. My uncle has told and written endless stories and songs that were figments of his imagination. He would share them over and over to entertain us as children. (Some of us even dressed up as them!) Our childhood Christmases always included games of family trivia; we elbowed each other out of the way to win the prize of silver dollars collected by my grandaddy. We love a mean game of backyard kickball and wiffle ball. We love music and karaoke. At the end of our night together, we danced to music in our costumes that teleported us right back to holidays and weddings of the past. Play and creativity are a powerful conduit for storytelling and communicating what is important to a family.
The deep relationships I have cultivated with my family since I was born are core to who I am; I am anchored to these people and the place where we grew up. Community and service are fundamental to who we are. When you combine all of these elements with creativity; this is magic.
How do my family reunion anecdotes tie back to our work at Grant Philanthropic Advisors? We get this question a lot from clients, “How can I ensure my children and grandchildren maintain a sense of purpose and ambition?” Communicating family values and the family narrative over and over is paramount to a thriving family legacy.
About Grant Philanthropic Advisors:
We’re an independent firm helping clients to focus and maximize their philanthropy—in turn, strengthening the fabric of our communities. Founded in 2019, we help donors move from responsive patterns of giving by assisting clients to identify values and become more strategic in their philanthropy. Our goal is to help donors to become more effective as change-makers. We work with foundations (large and small staff teams), donor advised fund holders, multi generational families, individuals, philanthropy supporting organizations and corporations to design philanthropic strategies.